Peace With Reservations

Peace with reservations
Peace with reservations

So our government is insisting on its reservations to the Compromise Peace Agreement being accepted. Here is my own light-hearted interpretation of the sixteen objections.

Making Sense of GRSS Reservations to the Compromise Peace Agreement

1Article 5.5We don't want the SPLA to be kicked out of Juba.We're worried the peace won't hold and want them close at hand in case things heat up again. And Juba is far too dangerous for those cruising in V8s, we need protection dammit!
2Article 4.1We want to be able to decide who runs the Ceasefire & Transitional Security Arrangement Monitoring Mechanism.The previous group didn't play ball with us so we want them replaced with people more likely to report what we want.
3Item 2.2We REALLY don't want the SPLA to be kicked out of Juba.We're REALLY worried the peace won't hold.
4Article 7Who said you could change the name from SPLA to NDFSS?Never mind we're South Sudan now. We're attached to SPLA and don't want to change the name OK!
5Item 1.6Why does Bishbish keep insisting we're helping the rebels in his country?If we keep saying it often enough people might actually start to believe it ... won't they?
6Articles 2.5, 3, 4, 5 & 6First, the Joint Monitoring & Evaluation Commission (JMEC) has far too much authority to scrutinise what government is (or isn't) doing and second, we don't want a foreigner chairing JMEC.We don't want anyone getting their nose in our business, especially a foreigner.
7Article 4JMEC can stop us from changing the terms of the agreement.We don't like this agreement at all and we want to bin it first chance we get.
8Articles 1.1.3 & 4Money set aside for compensation is better spent on reconstruction projects.We've never bothered compensating civilians before. Why start now?
9Article 1.4We just can't agree to RMT getting promoted over JWI. JWI is a little pissed that it's going to happen to him all over again.
10, 11 & 12Articles 5.2 & 15We can't hand over any element of governance in Greater Upper Nile to the rebels.We promised our people there it would never happen. We don't want to let them down. We don't know how they'll react.
13Article 5.3Why would we give the rebels any positions in states we control.We categorically refuse to acknowledge the rebels could have any kind of support in areas under our military control.
14Article 2We don't want a foreigner chairing the reconstruction fund.We need to be able to award juicy reconstruction contracts to our people. How else are we supposed to maintain our patronage networks?
15Article 8We see no need for an Economic & Financial Management Authority.We don't want transparency and accountability. It's bad for business.
16Article 5.5One month isn't enough time to agree and adopt a permanent constitution.If you give us 4 weeks, we'll waste 3 weeks doing nothing then rush it all in the last week. Best you give us 6 months to sort this out.

You can read the actual list of reservations by clicking on the link below.